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May 23 2018

9957 0efc 500

ahobbitinhogwarts:

movingtomarzipan:

john mulaney and linda from bobs burgers have the same aura

Linda, drunk off her head: my husband is a bitch i like him SO MUCH

May 22 2018

tahanialjemil:

me, after buying things for myself and trying not to feel guilty about it: *through gritted teeth* s-self care

its-the-thieving-magpie:

Here’s what’s trippy about John Mulaney.

Him: looks like a Leave it to Beaver extra.

Also him: Has regularly experimented with hard drugs, used to be a borderline functioning alcoholic, implies that he did something for money when he was black out drunk but doesn’t remember what that thing was, has run away from the cops after a party, and lied to get Xanax.

Everyone: “Precious cinnamon roll too pure for this world.”

May 20 2018

May 19 2018

kldslnthedark:

petition for Tom Holland to recreate this gif

May 17 2018

the-husbando:

twilightown:

CAUSE EVERY TIME WE TOUCH I GET THIS FEELING

EVERY TIME WE KISS I SWEAR I COULD FLY

CAN’T U FEEL MY HEART BEAT FAST, I WANT THIS TO LAST

NEED YOU BY MY SIDE

This is the closest gif that can really capture the utter chaotic energy that is released when people hear this song

May 16 2018

9221 a0dd 500

grimelords:

humansofnewyork:

“One of my plays is getting produced!”
“What’s it about?”
“So there’s this guy, and he really loves this one girl— she’s the girl of his dreams. But she’s going off to college. So he applies to every nearby college, just so he can be close to her. But the only college that accepts him is a clown college. But here’s the thing— he’s terrified of clowns.”

this is the funniest fucking thing and I’ve been thinking about it all week

May 14 2018

May 11 2018

stabby-salamander:

stabby-salamander:

z-nogyrop:

z-nogyrop:

those “monkey brain/human brain” posts except the monkey brain is presented as the rational one

monkey brain: extra body hair provides warmth and producing it but then cutting it off wastes valuable nutrients

human brain: hehe leg smooth

*looking at a tiger*

monkey brain: that animal right there is a dangerous predator adapted for stalking, chasing, and quickly dispatching of creatures like us. we should find high ground to get away from it before it sees us

human brain: hehe kitty wana pet

monkey brain: the ocean is the last place we want to be right now. we’re not built to swim and we’ll likely drown within five minutes. and let’s not even get into what might want to kill us once we get into open water

human brain: wheee swimmy

May 07 2018

May 06 2018

9255 d2fe 500

kamuiforest:

girlbeing:

i need to put all three of these pictures in a single post. this is significant. this matters. this is why i exist

May 05 2018

comupter:

U know when ur hairs greasy and it makes u feel so so so bad about urself. And ur entire life. Everything is awful bc my hair is greasy

...Would you fuck a clone of yourself?

themadcapmathematician:

ladybenderbr:

imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage

This is the first time ive seen this meme used and it wasnt only in character but also literally sounds like actual dialogue from the series it’s paired with

kazoobard:

things we know about john mulaney based on his comedy specials

-may have killed princess diana

-once drank perfume

-has never been killed by hitmen

-thought he had shit into a doctor’s hand

-“and also with you!”

-pretends to eat dinner at 4:30 to trick his dog

-has a penis (allegedly, according to a baby)

-sometimes he will watch a movie on TV even though he already owns that movie on DVD

-has responsibilities (all these fuckin’ markers)

-told Bill Clinton that he can do whatever he wants forever

-went to college for the whole time

-doesn’t care for these new nazis

erikadprice:

johnedmulaney:

you know this is the kind of life upgrade I want

May 03 2018

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